There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
