I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
