Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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