i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it glows. i had to have it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
