GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
