The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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