Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
