worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
