We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
