Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
