New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
