Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
