You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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