i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
