I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
