Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
