I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
