Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the liver wants what the liver wants
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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