i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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