put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
