Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
