That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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