Plan B is the new Plan A
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
