I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
