..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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