HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
