youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
