I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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