If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
