So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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