I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
