I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Too much gin, very little bucket
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
is it fun? or sober?
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