I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
