I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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