As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
