every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
