Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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