You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
