Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
