she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
