U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
