I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You need a sexual gate keeper
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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