I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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