You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
