i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
