dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
