I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
