i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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