i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
