and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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