it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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