what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize