i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
