I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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